The Emotional Baseline – Why “Man Up” Is a Myth And a Danger

Every boy has heard it. Every man has carried it. The words: “Man up.”

They sound harmless until you realize they reshape how men see themselves.

We’ve spent months discussing the anchors men need: a mentor to guide them, a community to support them through addiction, a brotherhood that reminds them they are not alone. But perhaps the most powerful anchor of all lies within emotional literacy.

What Emotional Literacy Really Means

Emotional literacy is the ability to identify, understand, and manage your own emotions, while also perceiving and responding to the emotions of others. It is the language of your inner world, the quiet compass that helps you make sense of yourself and those around you.

Unfortunately, for many men, that language is silenced by one of the most dangerous phrases in our culture: “Man up.”

The Danger of the Myth

The cultural command to “man up” isn’t a call to strength; it’s a code for emotional silence. It teaches boys that feelings are weaknesses to be hidden, not messages to be understood. Over time, this silence grows into what psychologists call Emotional Deficit Disorder (EDD) — a condition not found in textbooks but evident in our streets, our homes, and our headlines.

1. The Crisis of Misdiagnosis

When men feel sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed, they often lack the vocabulary to name what’s happening inside. Instead, those emotions are funneled into the only “acceptable” male feeling: anger.

It’s why so many relationship conflicts, workplace outbursts, and moments of aggression are actually masked sadness or fear.

> “Research shows that men are four times more likely to die by suicide — not because they feel less, but because they speak less.”

World Health Organization, 2023

2. The Illusion of Control

Many men believe that suppressing emotions equals mastering them. In reality, unacknowledged feelings don’t vanish — they retreat underground, slowly sabotaging mental and physical health.

It’s like ignoring a fire alarm. The fire doesn’t go out; it just burns hotter in the basement.

3. A Barrier to Connection

Emotional illiteracy isolates. If you can’t name what you feel, you can’t share it. And if you can’t share it, you can’t connect. This silence robs relationships of intimacy and leaves men emotionally undernourished — disconnected from their partners, children, and peers.

Redefining Strength

Emotional literacy isn’t about being fragile; it’s about being fluent. It’s the ability to express, regulate, and recover — the very qualities that define great leaders, fathers, and partners. True strength isn’t the absence of emotion; it’s the mastery of it.

At Elizabethan H&H Foundation, we call this understanding “The Emotional Baseline” — the point where real resilience begins. This week, as part of our Rescue the Mind series, we begin the work of reclaiming this language — one word, one feeling, one conversation at a time.

Because at the end of the day, strength isn’t silence — it’s self-awareness.